My New Year's Resolution

Okay, so maybe it is January 17th and I am a little late on declaring my New Years resolution, but it took me this long to figure out what it was that I was going to resolve to do. I have decided that I am going to put my all into being the best wife I can be. Sounds simple, no? I feel I was as prepared for motherhood as I could possibly be without experiencing it, and although it presents its own challenges everyday, I am blessed to have a beautiful, sweet, easy-going baby girl. What I was blindsided with, however, was how difficult it would be to remember that I am Danny's wife before I am Grace's mom. Being a mom seems to take every ounce of energy I have and I find myself daily being unloving, short, and sometimes downright rude and resentful toward Dan. Add to all of it that I am now stepping back into my role as a business owner and I can be nothing short of unbearable at times, I am sure. It breaks my heart to realize the separation I have allowed to form between us. Dan has been so patient, blaming all of my "bad wifeness" (my words, not his) on no sleep and adjusting to our new life, but I know I would not have put up with as much as he has. Some of you have heard our testimony and how God redeemed our marriage and brought us back from the brink of separation 4 years ago. We have had such an AMAZING marriage since and I miss it. Things are just not the same and I want them to be! My dear friend told me to quit looking for "normal" because the normal I once knew has to become a "new normal" now that we are no longer two, but three. WOW. It has been a tough lesson, one I feel I am still failing at, and that is where this resolution comes in. I refuse to settle for a sub-par marriage. Or even a par marriage. I refuse to look up one day and be living with a roommate instead of a husband. I refuse to put my daughter before my marriage, because God did not intend it to be that way. I have allowed being a mom to consume me and have left Danny and our marriage to simmer on the back burner. So while I would love nothing more than to win a supermom award this year (no seriously, I'm competitive, when does that award get handed out?) my goal is to win Danny's heart back and experience an even deeper, more Godly love for one another. I am reminded of something Danny and I used to teach in the young married's class: Satan is out to steal, kill, and destroy. One of the things he would love to destroy most is our marriages, and He will stop at nothing, even using the precious blessing of children to tear us apart. My prayer for today and every day is that the Lord will protect my husband and my family from Satan's attacks. I pray the same for all of my friends today.
Here is to a love-filled year and seeing my husband smile with me like this again.