On Friday, September 17th I was standing in front of the refrigerator and felt an incredibly intense wave of nausea. I thought I was coming down with a stomach bug and wouldn't let myself believe that we could possibly be expecting. The next morning I took a test and saw two definite pink lines. My knees hit the floor and I alternated between crying and thanking the Lord, trying not to wake up Dan. I was so overwhelmed with gratefulness, fear, excitement, and worry. We became pregnant only 3 months after the D&C and as happy as I was, I was also consumed by fear and doubt that this pregnancy would sustain.
I had a birthday party to go to that morning and did not say a word to anyone until I told Dan later that day. (Actually, Kristen was the first one to find out. I called her that morning freaking out that the test might be wrong). We told Tom and Beth when they came over later that week for his birthday and my mom when she came to visit that weekend.
It's incredible how different my emotions have been with this pregnancy. I have spent more than half of it cautiously optimistic but never fully letting the sheer joy of becoming a mom for the second time really hit me. I know it is a simple defense mechanism, but all the secrecy and waiting to talk about it, worry and fear have put a damper on what should be an amazing time. I have had to make a conscious decision to let my defenses down and get excited about this new baby on more than one occasion. I suppose the simplest way to say it is I will believe that all is okay when I hold her in my arms and see her for the first time.
Physically, this pregnancy has been different from Grace's. I think the main reason is that I was able to take it easy with Grace and other than a lot of cramping during the first 12 weeks, I didn't experience any trouble. This baby has come along during the 3 most stressful months of my life and rest and relaxation wasn't exactly something I could partake in like I was able to with Grace. I have had quite a bit of cramping, the intense tired spells (I know I had these with Grace, but I was able to actually take a nap!), serious nausea, and even some spotting. Now that I am not on my feet so much, working less hours, and not under so much stress I feel a TON better and am enjoying the "magical second trimester."
So I am 22 1/2 weeks and growing great. The baby weighed one pound at our last appointment and all looks wonderful. She is growing right on track and I am feeling perfect. She is quite the mover (maybe I've just forgotten, but I truly don't think Grace moved with such force and ferocity as this child. It's almost as though she feels the need to remind me every hour, "I'm HERE! Don't forget about me!") We are still working on names, even though we have one that is a front runner, and in the next few weeks are going to transition Grace into a new room and toddler bed. Sigh. Here are my obligatory baby bump pictures and latest sonogram pictures:
|Baby Girl at 21 weeks|
|Baby bump at almost 10 weeks. You can see why it was difficult to keep things a secret! My babies just like to make themselves known very early!|
|Baby bump at 15 weeks. A week before we found out that we were having another girl.|
|Here's my bump with Grace at 16 weeks. Not too different!|