Tuesday, January 27, 2009

11 weeks!

Grace is 11 weeks old today! What a pumpkin- she is an absolute dream and if I could know for sure that all of our babies would be like her, I would have 5 more. She is in love with this little rain forest bouncy seat and her baby einstein mat with "mr. octopus." The bouncy seat has a setting where it won't play the music and make the animals come on unless she kicks it and she has figured it out. So smart! She smiles pretty constantly, but lately she has been giving us sass and decides to not look at us when we talk to her. She will turn her head very slowly and when you try to follow her eyes, she turns her head the opposite way. It hurts Danny's feelings because she is usually all about her daddy, but she is making him work for her attention the last few days. I have a hard time capturing her exact smiling moments, I usually end up having to take 10 pics and then her eyes get big and she looks like she is going blind from the flash! I wonder if we are going to have a generation of completely blind children from all of the camera flashes. Here are the latest pics!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Life as I know it

Let me just try and paint this picture. It is 11:30 at night, I am sitting on our couch typing one-handed because I have my other hand hanging on to my nursing pump bottles. I have a baby monitor right beside me, praying Grace doesn't wake up again whilst I am hooked up to my milk cow apparatus. The ssshhhh, ssssshhhhh, ssssshhhhhh hum of the pump motor is about to put me to sleep and over the loud sound I can hear my husband enjoying what seems to be the deepest sleep of his life in the other room. I am jealoussssss. 8 ounces! holy toledo batman!
My life will never be the same again...

Monday, January 19, 2009

Why I love Sunday

I love church. And I LOVE our Sunday school class. But after the holidays, birthdays, the bridal faire, and having at least one family member in from out of town every weekend since Grace has been born, we haven't exactly been the best examples of perfect attendance. So you can imagine why I felt guilty when we skipped again yesterday for some much needed family time with just the three of us. But what a blessing it was! I had to work Saturday morning and Danny spent ALL day at a concealed handgun class (don't get me started on that mess) so Sunday became our rest day and it was absolutely wonderful.

My Favorite things about lazy Sundays:
1. Danny wakes up for the early morning feeding and gives Grace a bottle so I can sleep in. Fabulous.
2. Danny puts on his superdad cape and changes diapers, burps, rocks, and plays with Grace most of the day. I love the help and love when I don't have to ask for it and he just does it. This is my idea of romance these days.
3. Hibernating in the basement. We turn off our phones and hide out.
4. I have time to work on my scrapbooks and fill in the pictures. Yesterday I did 8 pages! Such a blast.
5. Naps. Several short ones in between feeding Grace. I feel so rested today.
6. Getting laundry done. I hate laundry, but I love having time to do it.
7. Dominos pizza. We always say we aren't going to order it, and we even had plenty to choose from in the fridge, but we both give in everytime. This is why I am still wearing a size bigger than I wore before I was pregnant.
8. Because of numbers one and two, I was in the mood to cuddle with Dan last night. It has been awhile because I usually get to bed a lot later than he does, but last night I was able to snuggle up next to him and fall asleep to his soft snoring.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

My New Year's Resolution

Okay, so maybe it is January 17th and I am a little late on declaring my New Years resolution, but it took me this long to figure out what it was that I was going to resolve to do. I have decided that I am going to put my all into being the best wife I can be. Sounds simple, no? I feel I was as prepared for motherhood as I could possibly be without experiencing it, and although it presents its own challenges everyday, I am blessed to have a beautiful, sweet, easy-going baby girl. What I was blindsided with, however, was how difficult it would be to remember that I am Danny's wife before I am Grace's mom. Being a mom seems to take every ounce of energy I have and I find myself daily being unloving, short, and sometimes downright rude and resentful toward Dan. Add to all of it that I am now stepping back into my role as a business owner and I can be nothing short of unbearable at times, I am sure. It breaks my heart to realize the separation I have allowed to form between us. Dan has been so patient, blaming all of my "bad wifeness" (my words, not his) on no sleep and adjusting to our new life, but I know I would not have put up with as much as he has. Some of you have heard our testimony and how God redeemed our marriage and brought us back from the brink of separation 4 years ago. We have had such an AMAZING marriage since and I miss it. Things are just not the same and I want them to be! My dear friend told me to quit looking for "normal" because the normal I once knew has to become a "new normal" now that we are no longer two, but three. WOW. It has been a tough lesson, one I feel I am still failing at, and that is where this resolution comes in. I refuse to settle for a sub-par marriage. Or even a par marriage. I refuse to look up one day and be living with a roommate instead of a husband. I refuse to put my daughter before my marriage, because God did not intend it to be that way. I have allowed being a mom to consume me and have left Danny and our marriage to simmer on the back burner. So while I would love nothing more than to win a supermom award this year (no seriously, I'm competitive, when does that award get handed out?) my goal is to win Danny's heart back and experience an even deeper, more Godly love for one another. I am reminded of something Danny and I used to teach in the young married's class: Satan is out to steal, kill, and destroy. One of the things he would love to destroy most is our marriages, and He will stop at nothing, even using the precious blessing of children to tear us apart. My prayer for today and every day is that the Lord will protect my husband and my family from Satan's attacks. I pray the same for all of my friends today.
Here is to a love-filled year and seeing my husband smile with me like this again.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

9 weeks!

Grace is 9 weeks old today! This last week was amazing for several reasons, not the least of which include being able to sleep until 6! She is also making adorable cooing sounds when you put her on the changing table, loves her baby einstein mat, (but only enjoys it on her back. tummy time is still a no-go!) and is smiling for minutes at a time and even giggling! SOOO cute. I thought my thoughts might stop revolving around her every second once I went back to work, but so far that theory has proven false. I never knew I could love her so much! Since her weekly "birthday" falls on tuesday when I am at work, I am sure you will all be treated to an update with pictures each week while I am at work missing her!!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go... (begrudgingly)

I have never been one to wish away the present, but I am ready for today to be over. I had to leave Grace with her Nana this morning to come to work, and I am a mess. I have cried three times in the last two hours (once was to the postman. All he said was, "haven't seen you in awhile!" Well that's because I'm spoiled and spend my days with my baby mr. postman!) I had to work the last two Saturdays, but I brought her with me in the morning and Dan came and picked her up about 3 so it wasn't too bad. Today I am training a new girl so I need the time without the distraction of her sitting on the counter in her bumbo seat looking like a little angel and forcing me to get absolutely nothing done. Why is this so hard? You would think I would need a break- it's been 8 weeks, but I feel like part of me is missing. And I love my store. I really do. I even called it my baby for the last two years, but my heart is changing and my priorities no longer revolve around me living up here at the store. How can they when I am leaving this sweet face to come to work??

I am lucky that Grace is in such good care with her nana. And I am very lucky that I have the freedom to bring her with me to the store when I need to. Right now, I only have to leave her on Tuesdays until 3. My hat is off to all of my friends who work 8 to 5. I don't know how you do it. I am stressed about leaving her for half a day once a week. I have decided that it doesn't matter how long you leave your baby or who you leave them with, it is unnatural for a mother to be away from her baby. I hope this gets easier or everyone will quickly tire of my sad-tuesdays-away-from-grace-blogs.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

Tummy time

I have heard several moms talk about tummy time and my aunt gave me a 20 minute dissertation on the importance of tummy time to Grace's development. Being the concerned mother that I am, I put Grace on her stomach at least once a day. Guess what? She HATES it. She starts growling, grunting, and gets so frustrated. My aunt said this is normal and good for her, so even though I want to pick her up, I don't. It is hard to watch her while she cries, but I deal with it. It's not until she starts wailing, screaming, and crying so hard that her face turns red and she can't breathe that I think maybe tummy time isn't so great for her development. Seriously, am I supposed to just let her scream and get mad?
Yesterday, during a particularly good tummy time session, she started crying, but gave up five minutes later. So what if my child ends up a little behind in her development? She already has her daddy's laid back attitude and a bit of her mama's rebellion. I think she's perfect! I love the progression of these pics.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

our christmas pics

My amazing friend Alisa took our family Christmas pics this year. She took my picture all year long it seems, from sassy Valentine's pics to maternity pics, Grace's b-day pics and hospital pics. She is amazing and I love what she can do with a camera! www.alisajoyblog.com

Thanks for being a part of the biggest year ever for us, Alisa. You are magnificent and lovely and I am proud to call you my dear friend!