I am about to be a mother. You have got to be kidding me. People keep asking, "are you ready?" like I have any idea what there could possibly be to get ready for, but I say "yes" anyway. But with my scheduled c-section now less than two weeks away, I would like to retract my "yes" statements and replace each one with an emphatic "no." Think about it. Completely responsible for another human being- how can anyone be ready for such a task? My fears include, but are not limited to:
1. What if I drop her?
2. What if she grows up to hate me and blame all of her problems on me?
3. I'm a heavy sleeper- what if I don't wake up in the middle of the night when she needs me?
4. I've never been cut open. Not exactly my idea of a good time.
5. Breastfeeding. Nothing sounds natural or beautiful about it to me.
6. Recovery- I'm worried about having to rely on other people to help me do everything. I'm not exactly the codependent type.
7. Warning, this next fear is shallow. What if she isn't cute? Sometimes two cute people make not cute babies (example Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin from Coldplay)
8. I'm still afraid I might die and leave Danny alone with a new baby. Totally morbid, but a valid fear.
I have heard that the minute I see her, all of the worries will go away and be replaced with new worries as she grows up. Here's hoping that's true.
How funny to read back and remember being 9 months pregnant and scared out of my mind.
I didn't drop her, but I let her fall off the bed.
She is growing up, but she still seems to like me. At least for now.
I quickly turned into a light sleeper and now wish I could revert back to being a heavy sleeper and not wake up in the middle of the night when she cries!!
Being cut open wasn't fun, but they managed to stitch me back up somehow.
Breastfeeding was horrible the first two weeks and a year later, neither one of us are ready to quit. It has become quite natural, although beautiful is a strong word...
Recovery was awful. Any kind of surgery is awful. Add to it a newborn, and it's just plain awful. But I would do it again in a second.
No worries anymore about my child not being cute. Are you kidding me? She is ridiculous. Refer to below picture for proof.
As for my morbid fear, I still think it was valid...
If I only would have known that the baby part isn't scary, it's the parenting part that I'm freaking out about! Someone said last night during Love and Logic that whatever stage your child is in is the best phase. A good reminder for this sad mama planning her daughter's first birthday party...
5 comments:
Time goes way too quickly as a mommy, but you are so great to savor the little moments as they come. Just wait until she talks to you and tells you jokes and makes up stories for you while you snuggle in bed together. There are so many more firsts ahead of you. I can only say this because I am the most stupidly sentimental mother ever. Keep enjoying each day as God places it in your lap. Love you.
Crazy how you just "become a mommy"... And it's so natural! She is lucky to have you! Good seeing you today! I think next time I'm gonna have to use the stroller when I get Cam. Lol
We need to get together and let the babies play. Is she going to switch classes?
Brooklyn turnes 18 months in two weeks....i am just .5 years ahead of you!! I hope our girls can meet someday. i really miss being in Lubbock with your guys. When is the party?? love, the horsleys!
I am 31 weeks and can totally relate to every single one! The "seemingly shallow" and valid and irrational ones!
great post. It's such a testimony to God's love & power to change our mommy hearts. Isn't it?
Post a Comment