"full-time" mom

I had a frustrating conversation with a fellow mother/customer recently and figured this blog is as good a platform as any to stand up on my soapbox.
This particular mom and I met when I was pregnant with Grace and we spent nearly an hour talking about how exciting/difficult/scary/fun/wonderful life was about to be. She quit her job as a teacher to stay at home full time with her two girls and at the time, I planned on doing almost the same thing- working as little as possible to be at home with Grace.
I ran into her again and we started talking about motherhood, extended breastfeeding, weaning, cloth diapers; you know, typical lingerie store conversation. She then proceeded to get on my nerves and dance all over them when she started making a fake sad face and telling me how sorry she was that I had to work and couldn't be a "full-time" mom. What I was missing out on, and how she could never do it, but she thought all of us working moms were just so brave. The Lord graciously stopped me before I said "Oh gag me with a wooden spoon," and our conversation ended shortly after that with me feeling the need to defend my 20 hour work weeks and all the quality time I spend with Grace.
Following that story this is going to be difficult to admit, but it's confession time: I used to be quite judgemental about moms who worked full time and took their kids to daycare. Lest ye judge my former judgemental attitude and throw me in the same boat with crazy mom from the second paragraph, I would like a moment to explain myself.
One of the reasons we waited so long to have a baby was because of my store. I was too busy building it up, working long hours for no paycheck, and couldn't imagine adding a baby on top of an already too busy work schedule. And I would not, under any circumstances, allow someone else to raise my child. So we waited until the store was at a point that I could step away for a bit and not live there.
For the first two months of her life, I seriously considered closing the store. Financially, 2008 was a rough year, but even more than that, all I wanted to do was sit and stare at my baby girl. We would figure out how to live on just Dan's salary; I would clip coupons, sell pant-aloons on ebay, learn how to bargain shop... anything to stay with her and be a full time mom. I remember thinking, "This is what I was meant to do. I was meant to stay at home all day staring at this beautiful creature."
As time would soon tell, being a mom was every bit the full time job I thought it would be. But dare I say it... I wasn't completely fulfilled as a woman/human/contributing member of society staying at home all day every day with Grace. My views quickly began to change as I realized that I needed to work, needed something else to do with my time, and needed a break from my sweet girl. I remember last February when I started working more and feeling guilty that I actually enjoyed it. Surely a super mom would spend her days away from her baby lamenting her job and the fact that she was at work and not at home working on tummy time and making home made organic baby food.
I have so many wonderful friends who have a wide range of part-time and full-time jobs, outside of being a full-time mom and they have all contributed to my new (non-judgemental) outlook on working moms.
My friend Kristen is an awesome counselor. She loves nearly everything about her job, her boss, the kids, her fellow teachers. I have never met someone so incredibly passionate about being a light to everyone who steps in her path. Her kids stay with her mom some days, go to daycare others, and spend Fridays with Dad. I remember her telling me one time that it bothered her when her stay at home mom friends pittied her that she "had to go to work." She chooses to work. And she also chooses to be one of the most amazing mothers I know. She is the definition of balance. She spends all day every day of her summer breaks with those two beautiful kiddos and soaks in every moment she has with them.
I have another friend who stays at home with her two boys and admitted to me just this week that she wishes she could put them in PDO even one day a week. She used to think it was selfish for stay at home moms to put their kids in PDO because they needed a "break." She has since changed her mind and is realizing she is no less a mom if she doesn't L-O-V-E every second of staying home with her boys.
My friend Kayci texted me tonight about how she feels like a failure and my heart just broke. She has to work to help support her family and twin boys and feels guilty for putting them in PDO and daycare next year.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Being a mom is a difficult enough job by itself, without all of the guilt trips we seem to pick up daily and pile on top.
The truth is, we can't have it all as moms, and in a years time, I have come to realize that the grass only seems greener on the other side. While that may not ease our guilt ridden minds and we may continue to wish for greener pastures (or fences? my metaphors are all confused...) I think we would do well to give ourselves a break from the guilt and comparisons.
What works for you may not work for me. What works for me certainly may not work for you. So let's drop the facade that as moms we have to have our, ahem, stuff together all the time. Let's support each other in whatever decision we have made that we think is best for our family (and quite possibly, our sanity). Let's take the time we do have with our children, be it all day, or a few hours a day, and squeeze every ounce of love and good parenting we can out of every moment. That, to me, is what being a "full-time" mom is all about.